I hate winter.
I've got a Canadian heart, but California skin.

Don't worry I'll never change. Everything you love & hate about me- it will always be here. I don't plan on running away from myself. I don't plan on drinking till I've killed all the brain cells that used to make up my personality. I don't want to lose myself in someone and give them my life, to only have pieces given back to me. I've been in that boat too many times to count- but never in the real way.
You can all blame me, you can all leave me, you can all forget me. It makes no difference. For the record, I barely ever gave you anything, not a piece of me. I never trusted you enough to give you any real damaging secrets. I peeled you off the floor, I held you when you were crying yourself to sleep- but the most you got was a mild breakdown & confessions to things you already knew, from me. I saw you at your complete worse. And you only ever got to see me with the mask on. Sorry. I don't work that way. I'm a controlled bi-polar. You are both, not.
I can blow it all off, and I can talk my way out of anything- but it still keeps me up at night. No one wants to be rejected. No one wants to feel hated. Even if the people doing the hating, aren't worth anything anymore. Aren't woth feeling guilty over, or missing. But you still do. Because there were good times. Alot. And it's hard to let those go. But what do you do when a relationship is so decayed and stock-still, you can't heal it? Can't fix it? Nothing is ever easy, and sure as hell is never simple. Sometimes, you just have to let go. It's never been my strongest suit.

Happy Hallow's Eve. One of my favourite days of the year. <3

One year ago.

The year marks always get me. It makes everything so final. That it's really over. After all this time.
It was probably the best Fall out boy show I've ever been too. No barricade. Best spot. Against the stage. Screaming & crying.
Such an insane day. So much epic.  So many stories...
And it all comes full circle. That show was the begining of the new year for me. The begining of good coming back into my life. And the end of the worst year of my life. That show meant so much. It also made me so thankful, that I hadn't given up in that horrific spring. So glad I didn't just walk away. It was the begining of the FAD touring. The begining of so much.
And now, a year later & 7 other Fall out boy shows, here I am. Starting over again. Another chapters closing. Another summer dead. It was by far, one of the best years of my life.
It's so hard. It's depressing. But. I'm excited. I'm ready. I've never felt so truly optimistic in my entire life- but it's because I got you burning in my back pocket. The corners of my head. The little blue record spinning in the back of the room... I know, I'll always have this no matter what. And I'm so thankful for the last year. I'm so thankful.

One year ago.

I miss you.

<3

Because I'm a obssessive-compulsive loser, who can't contain herself in written form when it comes to this band, I somehow wrote an essay to answer the above question. I'm biased, and completely baseing this on my own opinions and emotions, but I can't help it. I could've written so much more if Ihad time. I truly believe every word I wrote. They are the most important band of my life, let alone the last decade.


I could spend hours explaining why Fall out boy are the most important band of the decade. They are extremley talented muscians who jump-started a new brand of Pop-punk for a new generation, and helped carry it across to mainstream. (Whether you like it or not) They are unapologetic of showing who they really are, and painfully honest. It's this honesty that has gained them so many die-hard fans. (And of course, they've awesome music.) They've shone light on unknown bands, and given them head starts in the music buisness, they continue to support causes they believe in, no matter if it's popular or trendy, and they have helped so many people just live, and get through whatever it is they need to get through. Fall out boy aren't the only band who can claim all this- but no one else does it like Fall out boy. No one else can shake off the kind if dedicated haters they have, no one else can gut themselves in words and live with that exposure, no one else can connect with fans like they do, no one else can make people believe, (In this big beautiful & painful thing I like to call life, amoung other things) and no one else can do all this and still be relevant & multi-talented muscians. Or very few can.

They have helped guide and nurture many new bands over the last few years, through Pete Wentz's record label Decaydance. They've introduced countless kids to new genres and styles, thanks to these bands. They support they're craft- it's all about the music. And they want to give people music in all ways they can. They've been called "Sell-Outs" more times than probably most bands in the past decade, but they're probably one of the few bands who stand for exactly the opposite. Money was and isn't why they make music. They make music because it's apart of them, they love it and it's fun. Is there really any other reason why you should make music?

They've done real work with many charities, especailly with Invisible Childeren, which included a trip to Uganda to witness first hand what they're trying to fight. They filmed a music video there, a tragic love story portraying the real pain of the never-ending war. They gave they're own personal money to fight against Prop 8, and continue to support equal rights.

They're music has helped a generation survive the ups and downs of life, which can be said for almost every band on this list, but Fall out boy live and breathe this mantra. It was nothing they set out to do, and I think it still surprised them to this day, but by just being themselves, they've managed to forge a connection with fans that I think is rare between fans and artists. Through lyrics, through online blogs, through Viral Campaigns that drive us crazy, through 15-second snippets of conversation outside venues after midnight, they have managed to make us believe in something more than just how we feel when the lights go out, and we're alone. They've given us hope. In what? In just plain old life. Nothing fancy.
Pete Wentz has put into words, what most of us can't put into coherent thought. It's not about who he is, or what he's wearing, but how he feels. And how so many of us feel it too. He's put himself out there, in words and thought, and exposed himself to millions with an internet connection. (Not that kind of exposed!) And again- it's that honesty that makes us believe. That if he can do it, so can we.*
Patrick Stump is a musical genuis, a multi-talented composer and producer. He's helped bring those baby bands to the masses with Pete, and of course, brought to life his tongue-in-cheek lyrics and clever metphors, through Fall out boy's music. He has produced all kinds of different artists, ranging in styles and genres, which only proves his talent. This is someone who was born to make music.
Andy Hurley is like the backbone to the band, and an amazing drummer. (He also has kick ass taste in comics) Joe Trohman can shred amoung the best hardcore bands, and is legendary amoung fans for his crazy stage antics. (Trohmania!) These are the dudes who make Fall out boy, Fall out boy, who keep it together. They're like the blood to the body. You don't notice how much you need it until your bleeding, but it's one of the most vital parts of the body.

These 4 guys, are just that- 4 regular guys. Who happened to make music, really well. And a whole bunch of other things. They probably have more haters than lovers, but the lovers scream so much louder than any hater can. We are the die-hards. The true believers. We've watched this band grow from nothing, to everything. From basements to arenas. They've impacted an entire generation, whether they wanted to or not. They've done it through music, through they're actions & thoughts, by just being themselves, and letting people believe in that. We believe in ourselves now too.

So why is Fall out boy the most important band of the last decade? Because of people like me. For every person they've made into a believer. And believers never die.





















*That's why I'm still breathing.

My only real goal in life is to be happy.

I've spent the last couple years
Trying to explain why we're all here
But there's only so many words in the dictionary
Only so many languages to translate "I love you"s

We are Never-Were's and Deja Vu's
Living in the day, when the sun met the moon
Frozen teardrops, on a neon canvas
Standing in the rain, with sunny kisses

What's light and magic, what's right and fun
We're the lesser-knowns and forgotten ones
Like missing that last stair-
free-falling into comfy despair

But we all get up, brush the frowns away
To hear a canary's song, clear as day
A voice that runs through our very veins
Sweet sugar clouds, spilling over us with rain...

You unearth smiles in us, we never knew we're there
We found the cheat to death, in your Neverland dares
Puzzles, rhymes, just steps to dreams
You've given us hope, by ripping the seams

Spinning clouds into cotton candy
Shinning words, dripping with honey
Weaving rainbows into something more
Touching us at our very core

Summer. Summer. Summer.

<3

 Well. Welcome me.

I'm a big writer. It's kind of like therapy. I actually use blogspot, but I'm willing to give this a try. Let's see how it goes. So far, I'm getting alot of glitches when I try to comment on other peoples stuff. Anyways.

This is where you might seem some pathetic smearings of a very lonely girl's heart.

Hi.